That's my doggie

Continuing with the series..

Excuse me, I need to see a man about a horse.

Boys and the girls, ladies and my gentleman, I’ve been trying to cut the chord since october, wanting to shut down this little corner of the internet down, sayonara blog buddies etc. I want to withdraw the pieces of my life from the world. Do you get those feelings too? I want to delete my facebook account, and my email id, I want to fall out of touch with people. I don't give a fuck how many pictures you can take holding the camera out with your arm, it doesn’t make me jealous, or envious, I just. don't care, and I don't want it to be an option, I want out. I hate people knowing things about me. But me? I want to know everything about them. I ask the most personal, the most intrusive questions, I want to know everything that's not my business. Point in case, when I know two people are dating, I go read their wall-to-wall.

Since I can't think of much to write in way of a blog post, going to give you some of the what’s spinning right now type of things -

I have a new obsession, a very bourgeoisie one, of cans. I love them, especially the thumbs up, nescafe and other weird juice ones, which have Air/Water listed as one of their ingredients. And straws. Constant sippage.

I is listening to When Life Gives You Lemons You Paint That Shit Gold - Atmosphere, I is rock as true as the rock rolls, but experimenting none the less, little by little, on recommendations mostly. We are moving house again, and yet again my dusty cassette collection has no home, being shuffled from my car to the store room, and I decided today that I’m never going to give it up. Too many teenage type memories. I gave away all my MAD magazines the last time we moved and that shite didn't go down with me. It really depends on what you want in your home, and maybe flimsy black reel is my vinyl.

Been watching Californication. First I loved it, then I hated it - because

• it was nowhere as smart as they made it out to be,
• way to many titties on display,
• increasingly fanciful, ladies just present themselves to Hank boy and he never seeks any of em out
• and making writing out to be so glamourous and shite, all bullshit

It is misogynistic, and the fact that David Duchonvy is in therapy for Sex Addiction makes all the very graphic sex on the show seem a bit more perverse than it would normally, and the jokes are on the women, like entourage (which is unwatchable now) and no man who calls himself a gentleman is one, that should give you a clue but the cast is way too damn good, and they have some insane dialogue inbetween that rockstar fluff.

I love how they talk, like add 'the' before everyone’s name, and ‘itude’ where it doesn't belong..


Anywho, I'm enjoying my post exam couple of days of freedom, though I'm doing pretty much the same shite.

Reading On Beauty - Zadie Smith, long long time coming..and I was honestly surprised by the beginning, was expecting something much much more. Just 100 pages in though, and the author picture is soo hauntingly beautiful and sad and v neck black top with collar bones, what’s not to love? Don't stay tuned, I never follow up.

And now I is off to watch that Benjamin Button bonanza, please go watch Slumdog in a theatre and FORM YOUR OWN OPINION. That will help you get through the fucking press machine flipping out and as always totally losing it’s head.

Word,
That's all for tonight.

Pining in a moment of weakness

Archive Mood

Hello children, how goes.

See I is in a benevolent, filled with goodness mood today, maybe it's the latent holiday spirit kicking in; am technically on prep leave, but these are the best days honestly, it's when everything is heightened and you're on your own, on your own, yet you're not.

I love waking up late morning, mid afternoon even, and having late lunch with coffee and opening up my windows and letting the cold still air enter. read the papers(subscribe to 3 plus 2 online - it's awesome, and you begin to recognise good jounalism and the bullshit paid for news for the other stuff), baked some cookies(the first time in this house, and we couldn't find those blender things, the curly ones? which you plug into the blender..so they had sugar grains clearly sticking out, almost like they were diseased or something but taste yummilicious) Then I chatted with twin while her date kept her waiting. Right now I have started reading so many books at the same time it is really getting too much, plus based on my mood I want to re-read, right now it's The God of Small Things though this particular cover-to-cover reread might just be the last, because it's been growing in me, and I for one can't wait for more fiction from this extraordinary writer.

I also have this really pretty diary/notebook. Usually I use only spiral bound ones, with paper size A5, but this is a nice hard bound nightingale one, with gold tinting, and I have reynold pens in 5 colours - green, red, blue, black and pink, and somehow writing with ball pen makes it seem more copious (size of content wise) when it really isn't. I've already reached the february part.

Also, I dont' know what it is, but something's in the air, afternoon chats at the dining table, warm coffee, clean nice smelling sweaters, swishy hair and pretty eyes, make me feel like anything's possible in the world, and all those dreams will come true and it'll all. work. out.

For example, I want to listen to Under Pressure (Queen feat. Bowie version) as opposed Somebody to Love, both capture a mood don't you think?

Something New

This is a little side project I've been working, and I shall attempt to put a picture up once every 3-4 days; feedback will be most appreciated, especially if it makes you go..er..what's it supposed to be? etc etc.

Please do let me know if I'll be starving to death.

Exhibit#1

Don't be alarmed.




PS - the tag is mildly ironic. er..or not.

Tangerine, I was her love, she was my queen

EDIT:: spoilt brat alert, all is back to peachy. no harm, no foul. *grins sheepishly*

It's days like this, that bring up all the fuckedupness in me, I forget, I've forgotten actually how shitty life was, how low I can sink, how horrible I let my days get, and its all coming back to me tonight. It's the kind of day when nothing works. Forget hitting the books and getting some studying done, its ok to have slacker days, but I'm reading The Joke and it's blowing my mind because I love Kundera but I can't even do that properly, the red nail polish on my fingers is distracting, I'm not used to wearing any kind of nail paint. I fucking hate getting up post noon, I like my mornings, but I just can not sleep at night, why why why. It's a day when you feels fat and though your hair is clean its clingy and looks like its sticking to your head about to fall off any minute. It's the day when all the fucking light bulb fuse simultaneously - of the loo, the bedroom and the bedside lamp. And laziness and crankiness. and guilt, because I canceled plans with my grandparents, and I feel horrible and want to take it back and probably will. and I'm tired of this home and not being sure and being nineteen and stuck, and I have a plan, I have a plan but I want to fuck that too tonight. I want to talk to someone, share and it can't work somehow, it's years of bad karma, of appearing offline and saying brb and gtg when I don't have to go anywhere, no one is online, no one will chat.

And even chocolate isn't helping. My fucking teeth and screwed, I can't even chew gum, it all blows up simultaneously. I got myself some chips and coke and was watching Milk in the afternoon, but even that didn't cheer me up. My privilege is pissing me off, I don't even have a real problem.

Excuse me it's just that kind of day.

Usually I love the literary world, last night, I was jumping from one article to another, I couldn't get enough of Saligner 90th birthday tributes, and Joyce Maynard who he lived with but who now lives in Guatemala, and Susan Sontag and so on and so forth, and that world draws me in, and I love reading smart critiques and i love xkcd and a asofterworld, and there's not enough time and the world is so big and expanding and then today happens and while we're at it fuck Israel.

so what do I want? right this moment, as exactly who I am, if alladin appeared, surprise surprise, grant you your wish - right here right now:


1. To go to Sundance film festival - freeze, watch as many (new) films possible, blog about it, wear uggs, the whole shindig.

2. Book myself on the next flight to London and live with my sister, while she goes off to work, walk around, go to all the free places/museums and then go out drinking with her at night.

3. How nice it would be, if I could go just 24 hours, just a day without having to talk to my parents, give them tabs on where I am, what I'm doing, to go out into the city, wander, drive around, do what I want and not be responsible for anyone except myself and not have to account for anything or talk to anyone I don't want to. (will I go to hell for this?)

4. Was at the dentists a couple of days back and he gave me two shots of anesthesia, my lips were numb for hours, weird and wobbly and I was wondering what it would be like to kiss someone with those lips, would've liked to try it out.